If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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