he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
