At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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