1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
