I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
