I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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