She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pooping to opera.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
