she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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