ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
