he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
