Me. At least after what I've been through.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
