it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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