Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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