Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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