i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
