Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
