I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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