so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
