Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
