Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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