He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
