The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
