you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
