how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
