I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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