Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
