its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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