so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
