god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
