I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
