we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
