the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
