if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
