He uses pillows to masturbate.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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