Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
