THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
