Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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