someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
