When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
