remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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