I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
