Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
