There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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