***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
