How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
