And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
