I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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