i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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