we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
