best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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