How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
