My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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