You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
