Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
