whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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