Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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