I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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