Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
