I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
