this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
