tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
