Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
