I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
