And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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